What is a spaz(z)?

As we discussed over the past three weeks, while the genus nerdus refers to the broader roman nomenclature blah blah blah...

So a spazz is very similar to a dweeb in that they don't bring to the table what a geek does in the way of brains or have any arrogant smarts to fall back on.  A spazz is most closely related, of the species we previously examined, to the nerd.  A spazz subsists on outrage and indignation.  Unlike a nerd, though, a spazz is easily bested due to a lack of knowledge about a particular subject.

Through the diminished intellectual approach employed by the spazz, though, their areas of interest are far vaster than that of a nerd's and usually based in a more innate feeling about a topic than an educated approach or a sense of duty to protect an obscure treasure or guilty pleasure.  A spazz is full of guilty pleasures, the most prominent being the uncontrollable urge to constantly engage in arguments until proven right, and even if the cause is just, the approach generally does little more to alienate both opponents and would be converts.

What makes a spaz more complicated than just a Level 1 Nerdus nerdus is that there are strong elements of geeking out.  When a spaz gets excited, for example, when someone agrees with him, he cannot hide, control, or contain his elation, to an embarrassingly childish degree.  All in all, the spaz is a step closer to a normal person than a nerd, but several degrees less useful than any geek.  A spaz may seem normal, appear normal even, yes and even even look normal and act normal too.  But hit that hot button, and whether a friend or foe, the spaz will snap and convulse into action attempting to prolong one sided arguments about why everyone who disagrees is wrong wrong wrong.  Spazzes need to be converted, because they would make great sports fans.

So...

Is Ian A Spazz?

Whatta you think??

What Is A Dweeb?

Previously, we've covered the genus Nerdus, and the species nerdus and geekius, and even even the sub-species hipsterus douchius.  We posed the two as polar opposites.  So if the nerd and the geek are the yin and the yang of this established greater strata of losers, then where does a dweeb fit in?  And if it does fit in, is it actually unique enough to be granted its own specialization?

So far, we've established that it is common practice for someone who lacks any social skill or grace to supplement and perhaps overcompensate for it with a wealth of specialized and usually worthless knowledge.  Nerds use it as a form of superioristic validation and geeks use it in attempts towards inclusion and social betterment.  But not everyone possesses the menial mental faculties for such processes.  So here we find the dweeb: meek, athletically and otherwise physically inept and not unwilling to attempt self-improvement, but generally unable to do so.

The dweeb is often overlooked and even forgotten.  This is due to the exact conflation of these qualities.  The dweeb is physically unappealing, socially awkward, unable to make an advance or a name for himself.  He isn't strong, smart or charming.  His best bet is to sink into the background and he gladly does so, usually finding one or two other kindred spirits in the shadows.  The dweeb rarely dreams of romance or has ambitions towards grandeur.  He sits a harmless, benign and somewhat sad character on the landscape.

Often, within the dweeb lies special and innate talents that no one is able to recognize behind the reservation and deference.But these are rarely realized and even more rarely celebrated.  It's the stuff of Hollywood.  None of us ever realize our dreams.  And so, so ,so the dweeb stands, shaggy, bespectacled and missspelled.  Useful members of our societies filling menial roles and reassuring girls of unassuming nature with awkward smiles.  At best, the dweeb is harmless.  More later, but this is depressing...

So to sum up, the dweeb is a pretty regular person, akin to a Poindexter, lacking the confidence to execute any majorattmpts at fulfilling oneself or other's hopes, wishes, and dreams. The dweeb isn't oftena good sidekick, but when it does happen (as with early Alfred appearances in the Batman comic series), it's about the greatest thing that could ever happen to a dweeb. Dweebs are harmless and content with whatever stake of life they can take, no matter how (medium) rare. So please, I ask, or rather demand, that you leave the Wimpys and the Beakers of the world alone, they have enough to contend with in the mirror. Thanks.

Is Ian A Dweeb?
Well, let's not jump to conclusions. I have a very large soft spot for dweebs and respect and identify with them on many labels. Especially dweebettes (all you dweebettes out there gimme a call), but I'm a pretty active and outgoing guy and never satisfied with my lot in life. While I would never claim dweebtatus or any of the immunities that accompany it, I will gladly defend any dweeb in need.

Since this is Nerdvember I thought I would do something that is archaically nerdy comic books. Now Ian and I used to be into comics pretty hard; me being an X-men/Image guy, and Ian Avengers primarily. It's amazing how much knowledge you retain over the years. With the addition of my most recent "toilet book" the Marvel Encyclopedia I can only imagine how tough it is for comic writers to come up with new and exciting angles for characters that are decades old, keep the integrity of the characters, and make them fresh, contemporary, and exciting.

I will have to preface my selections that these are all pre-Mday, and no one is dead, everyone in their prime. Hey, this IS Nerdvember.


How can you have a list without Wolverine? He was the benefit of being a mutant, then being infused with adamantium. (is it stronger than vibranium?) He is indestructible, has the sharpest metal poking out of his hands, super agility, super tracking/scent, he's lived over 100 years due to his healing factor. How do you make a team without him I can't see.



He has the experience of leading the team, and is useful in tons of ways. I have a feeling if you broke him down enough he would party with you. I don't think I could out-drink him (healing factor) but I would for sure party with him. I would hope I would be able to goad him into punching stuff for my entertainment.

here lies a compilation by the many talented psych-ward-cases that make up Raw Guru Records. They are offering their tracks on bandcamp, facebook, and can be followed on twitter--the usual channels.

This is just their second piece of work and include's cXnX's very own charity case, Ian.
Essuhsplashuhlee Recommended Tracks:

"Old West Buckaroo"-J Kerestes

"Just A Fool"-Christian Schulz

"Born Into your Show"-Michal

***"Gotta Be Real"-Freddie Clean***

What is a Geek?
Last week, we discussed what we believe a nerd to be, and while the term, we concluded, applies to all forms of unintentionally quirky outcasts (these guys excluded), but to clarify and clearly reiterate, the genus nerd is not the same as the species nerd, and while the species geek does fall under the broader taxonomy of nerds worldwide, it's an unfair confusion that befalls them to consider their speices or their attribution with that of true nerds.  With this designation in place, please understand that any further references to nerds herein are to that of the contrasting species.
A geek, like a nerd, is physically inept and socially invalid, often choosing by default to consume their time, overcome the crippling blows to self-confidence ostracization manifests, and find some justifcation for even being alive.  Eventually this passing or in-depth interest consumes the geek.  The difference in this case that the obsessions that fill the voids in geeks left by lack of social interaction actually work to a certain degree.

A geek has no intention of lording knowledge over anyone else or even using it as a crutch in social situations, other than those that demand the area of expertise said geek possesses. A geek, in many ways, is the diametric oppostie to the nerd. While both spend copious amounts of time investigating useless knowledge (in fact, both usually follow the same course of exploration), the geek is content sharing the knowledge with no one, not resisting the title imposed by "norms". In an appreciable paradox, the geek's laisez-faire attitude regarding society's peer perception, unlike the nerd's defiant superiority and isolation, actually relaxes the social tension and leads in rare cases to a general acceptance of the geek by a larger social strata. Geeks genuinely want to be accepted on a human level, and if this is offered, a geek will assuredly jump at the chance.

A good example of the above phenomena is this guy, Samuel "Screech" Powers, from Paul's favorite show, Saved By The Bell.  He willingly participates in the group's many harried escapades and believes he can win over a pretty and snobby girl.  he views himself as on par with the other, normal guys.  And the elements of his character that he's often ridiculed for, including the voice that's provided him with his nickname, are out of his control.  He doesn't let that hinder him, nor does he use it as an excuse for angsty, separatist behavior.  Nor does he attempt to make an ironic, knowing use of these shortcomings hoping to come across as cute for identifying an embracing his annoyances.  This is not the same as using one's obstacles to one's advantage, which is easily arguable that this fictional geek does on a weekly (or syndicated) basis.

The one downside that characterizes the geek is the action whose name has been adopted recently into common parlance... "geeking out"--losing self-control at inappropriate times in direct reaction to overstimulation or confrontation of an encounter of exceptional appeal.  All geeks geek out, and this is the major defining attribute.  It's almost a momentary lapse in developmental psychology, immaturity so to say, when presented with a physical manifestation of one's own ideals.  Some geeks will geek out about everything, such as pretty girls talking to them, and in essence not ever know how to handle themselves in anything other than distanced or muted social interaction.  Of course, this behavior has been co-opted by norms as well as being a nerd has.  And as such, a pointed positive spin has been put on the complete inability to express oneself with any amount of dignity.  We all at one point in our lives geek out, if we're living right. 

I feel that geeks are a decidedly beneficial addition to the human race and it's unfair that nerds dominate mainstream culture as the object of counter-culture (along with slackers).  I think geeks try very hard to please every one and even that all of us have a little geek inside of us wherein that may not be said about nerdery, so it's time that geeks got their due!

Is Ian a Geek?

Iiiiiiii dunnnooooooo, let's ask this guy...

Ian:  There are only one of two plausible interpretations of this request.  Either this old man wants the speaker to re-enact some scene from the man's youth, perhaps his first sexual encounter with stemware, or more likely, he intended, as is observed above, to request a song but is so drunk that he slurred the word melody, as we'll see momentarily is the focus of this piece.  Does the last line of this verse imply that the man is wearing no clothes?  What exactly are a younger man's clothes?  Are we living in some dystopian future where we are assigned dress by our age?  I can't shake the image of this alcophile donning an ill-fitting little boy's sailor suit and trolling bars for underage shot glasses.

Ian: I think in the speaker's defense, he was just making up something to passively aggressively get this libation-rapist off his back.  I assume the reaction was something like, "Yes! Yes! That's it! Thanks you [wet hug]!"

Ian:  Additionally, who who would ask the piano player to sing.  Joel's Brit counterpart goes so far as to exclaim Don't Shoot Me, I'm Only The Piano Player, downplaying his associations and abilities in other realms.  I guess the wordless interlude is what you get when ask the piano player to sing.  But why would we even have to ask?!  Yeah, anytime now, sometime tonight, if you can start playing, that'd be great...  If this is his job, shouldn't he have been firing up the tunes before 9, when he knows the tour bus of elderly tourists to be arriving??

Ian:  I don't know that I would trust a word out of John's mouth.  What bill is he referring to?  The bill that has yet to be paid by the lacadasical musician, or his doctor's bill to take care of whatever's killing him?


Ian:  Where is the market for fiction that revolves around the trials and tribulations of house sales? Maybe a novelization of the 1973 Prudential procedural manual?  And I guess I don't get it.  Is it supposed to make me feel sad or better than these people or something?  Is the piano player just sorta laughin at them behind their backs because he gets paid to basically do nothing?  Maybe Dave likes being in the Navy.  I doubt he'll be there for life, since the military probably has a good pension plan set up for him.  I know the Navy worked out pretty well for this guy.

Billy Joel plays when Billy Joel is ready!! Grrrr!

Ian:  But what has he already done to get them feeling so good that they pass on sex with women (the concept of a woman) in favor of a glass of gin?

Ian:  I can only agree that I doubt it's him they've been coming to see if it's a pretty good crowd.  Perhaps this is a chronicle, like Paul says of an early Andy Kaufman performance at The Improvisation.  What troubles me most is that his piano sounds like a meat eating beast.  As opposed to a vegetarian?  That doesn't sound very melodic at all, and maybe it isn't his fault that he's reduced to lazily humming half-remembered tunes if the equipment they provided for him is completely useless and clunky.  But if, if, this piano is a carnivore, then why are people feeding it bread?!  Give this thing a nice medium rare steak and maybe we'll get some use outta the thing!  I do applaud the speakers sommelier level olfactory capabilities that he's able to determine that the mic smells like exactly one beer, and he probably knows which craft brewed pint has sulled the foam cover.  Maybe the manager is Bill Lumbergh or something...

What is a Nerd?
When ridiculing nerds, or mocking them, or provoking them, we often find ourselves at a loss to describe what exactly a nerd is and does.  Nerd stands as a uniquely elusive word because it not only applies to a particular social dysfunction, but also to a broad range of specific ailments (we will look at geeks, dweebs, and spazzes in upcoming weeks). It is a broad, inclusive term.  A nerd is a nerd, but not all nerds are nerds.

So for the sake of clarification, and hopefully universal acceptance, I provide this (hopefully) brief guideline on how to identify nerds.  The first, and easier, differentiation is that of the genus or class of nerd and how it functions.  Although it may seem nerdly to some to research the etymology of nerd, and I will not do so here, I strongly encourage all our chasers to do so.  In general, common use, nerd traditionally refers to anyone lacking in social skills, but unlike an outcast or a loner, the species nerd is aware of the abberation and uneasy with it.  Eager to fit in, a nerd (species) magnifies a quirk or characteristic, or overextends the knowledge he does possess beyond a useful degree, in a sweaty attempt to fill the gap and be accepted.

What makes nerds offensive is their use of specified knowledge to elevate themselves.  Nerds tend to reject others (normals) before they can be rejected and base unfounded aggression on years of perceived slights.  Instead of looking to counteract this through a positive application of their skill set, they look to alienate and humiliate others.  Nerds never hesitate to point out when a term is used incorrectly or a word is pronounced wrong, even if the overall point remains the same. They actually get angry at misappropriation or popularization of their beloved tomes (traditionally, this falls into the realm of comics, gaming and sci-fi literature).  Hipsters are actually a type of nerd, protecting the little slice of a world in which they are too inept to otherwise function. 
As with so many other disparaging terms that have undergone the reclamation process in our post-modern age, not only do nerds feel safe being nerds, but normal people prefer to reefer to themselves as nerds, often of a specified variety, indicating their particular area of expertise, so as to stand for a falsely applied humility.  In reaction to this, real nerds have not become more relaxed in their vigilant defense.  They have only added an air of smugness to their prickly demeanor, knowing that their technical abilities (be they music nerds, tech nerds or even sports nerds--Pierre McGuire, I'm looking at you) will secure them well-paying jobs in a culture that prizes instant information, niche knowledge and fun facts over all else, augmented by the entitled exclusivity that comes with poring over a topic needlessly for years instead of interacting with other humans.

Is Ian A Nerd?

Short answer, No.  Care to disagree?  Depends on how long you've known me.  It's very true--and Paul can attest to this--that in my youth, my teens and early adulthood, I couldn't help do exactly what I described above.  Out of insecurity, I took every opportunity to spout off about David Bowie's real name, the exact release date and line-up of 200 Motels or every episode of [any well-known early 80's BBC comedy].  And don't get me started on The Beatles.  An easy way to rile me up in high school was simply to say you didn't like them and my voice became terse and high pitched and my cheeks a pinchy red. As you can imagine, I was no fun to be around.  No one, not even me, benefitted from what I knew because it was only self-servicing, and I had no ability to enjoy any social situation others were kind enough to allow me into.

I truly like to think I've grown out of that.  I still read a lot, don't go out much, and have trouble making friends, but all for different reasons, now.  I don't try to push away people or lord what little intellectualism I actually possess over anyone.  It's true, I do make the occasional obscure reference, but I can't recall recently doing so to belittle someone.  Inadvertently, though I tend to get bristly about topics such as human nature and animal abuse.  That's when I start to talk fast and stutter and clench my fists and interrupt others.  I sincerely think the key to curing nerdiness is to stop taking oneself seriously, understand we're all going to die and that it'll be much much sooner than we think.  I recommend the following example as an example to follow: