I was working in the lab late one night 

When my eyes beheld an eerie sight 

For my monster from his slab began to rise 

And suddenly to my surprise 

Ian:  I'm assuming his late night came at the tail end of a long day's work, so he began to hallucinate.  Why else would a monster on a slab be so spooky to behold?  Dr. Pickett, it's my estimation that you're working too hard.

Paul: If he was working so diligently, why is he surprised with his success? Was it something accidental? 

Ryan: The singer, or storyteller is explaining how his crazy night of love making started. Clearly the storyteller is alone and is explaining how things got heated between him and his "monster".

He did the mash 

He did the monster mash 

The monster mash 

It was a graveyard smash 

He did the mash 

It caught on in a flash 

He did the mash 

He did the monster mash 

Ian:  And he starts to imagine a crazy new dance routine.  I'm excited to learn how to do it!

Paul: The monster comes to life and starts to dance? It has to be intentional. So I'm lead to believe that this man defied the laws of nature and countless resources only to make a monster who's purpose is to dance? To be honest, I wouldn't do anything different.

I need to dance.

Ryan: This part makes me believe that this was the first time he tried making love with himself. It being natural, he obviously caught on quickly. Though this was all new for him, he was able to catch on in a flash like many of us when we first tried dancing solo. 

From my laboratory in the castle east 

To the master bedroom where the vampires feast 

The ghouls all came from their humble abodes 

To get a jolt from my electrodes 

Ian:  How can he sleep with vampires luring innocents into his bedroom, anyway?  This supports the assumption that he is sleep deprived and having whacked out hallucinations of generally gruesome creatures jigglin their bottoms to the latest craze since the Super Bowl Shuffle.  Unless, of course, the castle is not his.  Perhaps he only owns the lab in a castle belonging to a clan of bloodthirsty beasts.  But then, why is he leading all the ghouls (ghouls=girls, get it?) from the lab to the master bedroom to give them a taste of his elekchode?  I allow this might also be crazy 50's beatnik slang for uppers, which again only supports my claim that Dr. Pickett is experiencing symptoms commonly associated with a lack of sleep supplemented by amphetamines.

Paul: This guy lives in a castle were vampires murder in the bedroom and ghouls live in adjacent rooms? What kind of place is this? So these ghouls are shuffling on down to get their jollies from electrodes.

You givin' out jolts? or ...

Ryan: Having enjoyed this as much as he did, he was curious if it would his enjoyment would change in different rooms. I cant say if "the castle east" and "where the vampires feast" are nicknames for actual rooms in a normal persons place, but I have no doubt that "To get a jolt from my electrodes" means that his experimenting in different rooms means that it did in fact help his excitement.

They did the mash 

They did the monster mash 

The monster mash 

It was a graveyard smash 

They did the mash 

It caught on in a flash 

They did the mash 

They did the monster mash 

Ian:  Okay, then... If this dance is so famous and apparently easy enough to do, how come he isn't bothering to demonstrate or explain it??  It might all be in the good (mad) doctor's (scientist's) head, but he still has to have some general idea of the steps.  Do I jump to the left???

Paul: So more people did this dance. I'm convinced that this was his plan all along.

Ryan: Now it appears that there are more people involved. I have trouble believing that there were other people that were there watching him. I believe that the storyteller has animals. Maybe a cat in one room that saw him, and possibly a bird in another that caught him "flying solo". 

The zombies were having fun 

The party had just begun 

The guests included Wolf Man 

Dracula and his son 

Ian:  So, are these guests of his or his employers?  Are they still in the master bedroom or back in the lab?  How else could one explain, or even justify, the presence of a minor at the depraved gathering heretofore described with such gusto?  I hope they weren't offering him jolts, too.  I guess it doesn't matter much, since all these characters are merely external projections of a madman's sick, decaying mind.  I'm glad the zombies were having fun.

Paul: This song is misleading because zombies ALWAYS have fun, they just do it slowly. The Wolf Man is no big deal, he shows up at most parties. What stuck out is Dracula's Son. A recluse by design, he was probably there against his will in his dad's attempt to socialize him.

I brought my dice.

Ryan: This is where role playing clearly became a part of his "work". He may have wanted to try other things to keep things fresh. Costumes can help enhance these types of things with the intent of keeping things fresh. I know sometimes when I get bored with myself, dressing as the wolf man can really spice things up! 

The scene was rockin', all were digging the sounds 

Igor on chains, backed by his baying hounds 

The coffin-bangers were about to arrive 

With their vocal group, "The Crypt-Kicker Five" 

Ian:  Digging the sounds, haha.  I get it.  Maybe Dr. Pickett is beginning to present with mild manic symptoms accompanying his delusional schizophrenia, as would be evidenced by his refusal to sleep, his rampant wordplay and his desire to bang coffins. I get a little Jailhouse Rock flavor from this verse, with the odd characters playing around with whatever's handy.  Just, instead of dancing in prison, everyone's exercising the necrophiliac tendancies.

Paul:

Ryan: Again he is trying to spice up his good time. Music can enhance EVERYTHING, especially this. Igor Stravinsky is a famous Russian composer from the early 1900's, known for his rhythm and harmony. Great masturbation music! Also, clearly "The Crypt-Kicker Five" is what he has named his fingers. I can relate to this, since I named my fingers the "Fantastic Five" when I was 17. 

They played the mash 

They played the monster mash 

The monster mash 

It was a graveyard smash 

They played the mash 

It caught on in a flash 

They played the mash 

They played the monster mash 

Ian:  How in the HELL do I do the MASH?!?!

Paul

Ryan: Clearly this is just another chorus.. THAT IS ALL!

Out from his coffin, Drac's voice did ring 

Seems he was troubled by just one thing 

He opened the lid and shook his fist 

And said, "Whatever happened to my Transylvania twist?" 

Ian:  Well, now we know who was in the coffin, who everyone was lining up to bang.  I guess I'm just concerned, and almost don't want to know, if his son partook in the proceedings.  I'm a little doubtful that the Transylvania Twist is an actual dance with any movements because how could a real dance be replaced by something that has yet to be defined at all??  I'd be pissed off too if everyone, in the middle of fornicating with me, were jamming to some imaginary flailing.

Paul:

Ryan: More experimenting. At this point he has referring to his "business" as "Drac". His pants are his coffin and he is trying a wrist technique called the Transylvania twist. I tried googling this technique and had no luck with it... I feel like I am missing out. 

It's now the mash 

It's now the monster mash 

The monster mash 

And it's a graveyard smash 

It's now the mash 

It's caught on in a flash 

It's now the mash 

It's now the monster mash 

Ian:  So the Monster Mash is the same exact dance as the Transylvania Twist, just with a different name?  Unimaginative, but whatever.  Now how in the HELL do I do THAT dance??

Paul:

Ryan: I guess at this point, the storyteller is insisting that his masturbation would be forever known as the mash.. Which is a pretty clever name for it!

Now everything's cool, Drac's a part of the band 

And my monster mash is the hit of the land 

For you, the living, this mash was meant too 

When you get to my door, tell them Boris sent you 

Ian:  This dance, according to the tripping doc, has been a hit for some time already.  Now, if I'm arriving at his door (again, the lab or the entire castle?), who is it who's answering?  Everyone else seems preoccupied with either playing some demented form of non-musical noise, or dancing some nonexistent Watusi variation.  I'm assuming, with his dissociative personality disorder, that he would answer the door, believing himself to be his own butler somehow.  I think I'll stay at home.

Paul:

Ryan:

Then you can mash 

Then you can monster mash 

The monster mash 

And do my graveyard smash 

Then you can mash 

You'll catch on in a flash 

Then you can mash 

Then you can monster mash

Ian:  I would fucking LOVE to!!!  HOW THE HELL DO I DO IT?!?!

Paul:

Ryan: