This is the third one, right?  This week's cXnX are Ian and Ryan.

Brandon J.
Mayville, NY

Ian:  To answer this question, we have to go back to 1998, when Acclaim, famous for their line of well received WWF games, was approached by a masked Canadian, carrying what appeared to be a large, curved wooden pole.  The video game titan was already on the decline, experiencing general criticism, culminating with the pointedly dismissive "Howard and NESter" cartoon wherein, both characters depicted playing Bust-A-Move, NESter turns to his friend and remarks, "Everyone knows it sucks."

That would have been the final nail in the coffin for this struggling company, were it not for the masked Canadian's proposal of issuing a new type of sports game, one never before attempted on American soil.  The premise was simple enough:  10 guys walk onto a sheet of ice and use their poles to knock around a black disk.  Two cyborgs at each end try to grab the disk and lay on top of it...

A cyborg?  Why not?

At this point, Acclaim was willing to try anything to keep their heads above water, even deal with a devilish Canadian (a bit redundant, I guess) and they went to their local pond for a demon-stration.  It was an absolutely disorganized mess!  The guys were falling everywhere, calling their shots, stalling--


Some how convinced by this mysterious masked foreigner, Acclaim went ahead with production on a new game, and a new past-time:  NHL Breakaway.  It sold moderate units and Acclaim was spared the axe once more, but at what cost?  Kids everywhere began fashioning their own poles out of wood, pine, maple, and gourds.  They were utilizing blades to give themselves some extra height and as it turns out, it was all part of the devious Northerner's plan.  Canada, as we know, has been very far behind in the arms race and these curved poles were their first line of defense.  They proliferated the equipment and the ethos to a new generation of Americans, encouraging them to "breakaway" from their sovereign soil and take up the cause of the great white beyond.  They entice them with the rank of captain and encourage a violent lifestyle

What we were promised.

And who was this strange foreign man with the ridiculous accent?  While his identity has never been revealed to satisfaction, many have speculated it is this man, who single handedly wants to destroy youth culture and wage war on America with poorly constructed tools of destruction.

Is this man a violent criminal???

In recent years, we've seen a decline in the intelligence and behavioral mores, and it is likely due to this influence of Canada's war machine in its scope and deviance.  That's why they call em loonies.

American youth on the decline

So, Brandon.  Are you ready to take up arms against these heavily suited soldiers from above?  Will you, yes YOU, answer the call when the snowy menace marches on us, in their crudely fashioned armor and weaponry?

Does this scare you???