Tis the season to start the fire, sit back with loved ones and enjoy the Christmas themes we all grew up with. You know, like the wicked awesome Tales from the Crypt "Have yourself a scary little Christmas" album. Let the gentle voice of the cryptkeeper help you remember what the season is all about!

Jack U – Holla Out!
Sufjan Stevens - Should Have Known Better
Lord Huron - The Night We Met
Disclosure - Bang That
Crystal Castles - Frail




Robots Can't Dance - Bada Bing (Doctor P / Flux Pavilion Mix)
Zomboy - Nuclear (Dillon Francis Remix)
Tech N9Ne - Speedom
The Wombats - Just Give Me A Try
Ghost - Circe



Diplo, CL, RiFF RAFF, and OG Maco - Dr. Pepper
The Maccabees - The Marks to Prove it
Majical Cloudz: Silver Car Crash




Blanck Mass - Dead Format
Health - New Coke



Health - Stonefist
Meow the Jewels - Meowrly




Eagles of Death Metal - Complexity




Major Lazer - Lean On
Weeknd - Can't Feel My Face
Prodigy - The Day Is My Enemy




Father John Misty - Bored in the USA




Flosstradamus - Don't Trip
Chemical Brothers - Go




The National - Sunshine On My Back




FFS - Johnny Delusional




Blur - Go Out
*Kelly Lee Owens - Lucid




Future Islands - The Chase




DJ Spinn / DJ Rashad - Dubby (ft Danny Brown)
Muse - Mercy
Modest Mouse - Lampshades on Fire
The Arcs - Flower in Your Pocket
The Dead Weather - I Feel Love (Every Million Miles)






Interpol - All The Rage Back Home
Doomtree - Generator
Lana Del Rey - High By The Beach
Coheed and Cambria - To Mars and Back
Bloc Party- The Love Within




Baauer - GoGo!
Jaime XX - Gosh
Alice Glass - Stillbirth




*Arrabmuzik - King




Lightning Bolt - The Metal East
King Charles - Gamble for a Rose
Open Mike Eagle - Ziggy Starfish (feat. Gold Panda)
Missy Elliott - WTF
After the Burial - Lost in the Static
Walk The Moon - Shut Up and Dance
Mark Ronson - Uptown Funk
Andy Grammer - Honey, I'm Good
Titus Andronicus - Dimed Out
Squarepusher - Rayc Fire 2




Grimes - Venus Fly
Banks - Better
Death Grips - Why Bitch Gonna Lie
MIA - Swords
Destroyer - Girl in a Sling
Kid Smpl - Focus Ribbon
Tall Juan - Chinese Rock

Dean Martin - Ain't That A Kick In The Head? (RJD2 Remix)




Flosstradamus - Prison Riot
David Bowie - BlackStar
Rustie – Big Catzz
Bad Sounds – I Feel
Club 8 – Love Dies
Dead Ceremony – Seventeen

Dom Zilla – Cold




Disclosure – Nocturnal

Saul Williams – Horn Of The Clock-Bike




Jack Garratt – Weathered
Skrillex and Jauz - Squad Out! (feat. Fatman Scoop)
Run The Jewels - Rubble Kings




GTA - Red Lips (Skrillex Remix)




Girl Band - Why They Hide Their Bodies Under My Garage?




Leon Bridges - Coming Home
JAPANESE HOUSE – STILL




STORMZY – "KNOW ME FROM"
PSY- Daddy
Sharon Van Etten - I Always Fall Apart
The Struts - Could Have Been Me
EL VY - Return To The Moon
Dawes- All Your Favorite Bands
Beck - Dreams
Alabama Shakes - Don't Want to Fight
Nathaniel Rateliff- S.O.B.
Alessia Cara - Here
Hot Chip - Hurarache Lights




Tobias Jesso Jr. - How Could You Babe?
Bronze Radio Review - Light Me Up
Aesop Rock - Cat Food
Tyler, The Creator - Deathcamp


The Vaccines - Handsome




ChVches- Leave a Trace
The Districts - 4th and Roebling






PAPA - Hold On
New Order - Singularity

Since ConstruxNunchux™ began we always like to mention people who inspired us and molded us into the person we are. In turn, who we are reflects what kind of content we share, what we create for the site, and who we surround ourselves with. Every human in the world is inspired by something or someone, consciously or subconsciously, and its either a profound life-experience or a simple moment photographed in time. That inspiration can motivate a person to do something great. That inspiration, also, never leaves you. It nestles itself into your mind and makes a home. When you make a decision, or need to dig deep into yourself and create something you look to these moments to light the way. When we say "INSPIRE  ENTERTAIN INNOVATE™" as the qualifiers to be immortalized on the honored wall of Castle Construx™, we mean it.

The Construx Crew™ were occupied with several projects in 2014 so the inductions were missed and we refused to make hasty choices. So the Construx Core™ will retroactively pick their 2014.

My choice for 2014 is Fred "Mr." Rogers.

Most people I know grew up with this man. The sweaters, the puppets, the warm smile all made this man the face of children's programming for decades. On the surface Mr. Rogers had a massively successful show that enforced the concepts of compassion, imagination, creativity, and learning. Behind the stages, lights, and machines there was a truly exemplary man who had a profound and meaningful impact on everyone around him.

As a child, Mr. Rogers was always a positive calming influence on me that cut through the sugar induced activity and guided me through the confusing (and sometimes intimidating world). Even when I out-grew the show, I still watched him peacefully teach my little brother and sister life lessons watching what I must have looked like soaking up his messages of self-worth and confidence.



Being from Pittsburgh, coupled with his impact on me personally and the entire world it was after some digging that I learned that his demeanor on the show wasn't an act. Mr. Rogers was an incredible human being that was really the person he was on TV. He really gave a shit about you, he really believed that love made the world go round, and he really valued everyone as much as he valued himself.

Here are some things that some people might not know about Fred Rogers that will make you respect the hell out of him.

• Mr. Rogers was an ordained Presbyterian minister.  In 1962, he received a Bachelor of Divinity degree and was ordained as a minister in the United Presbyterian Church. He was urged by religious organizations to use his influence to teach children about God. Mr. Rogers refused because he wanted ALL children to enjoy his program and he didn't want to alienate anyone based on religious beliefs. He thought the messages of friendship and love were not only exclusive to Christianity.

• He loved break-dancing! He really did. The way he takes on new experiences in a non-patronizing way with true appreciation of other's interests is really nice to see.

• He was straight-edge. He was a vegetarian, didn't smoke, drink, or have any real vices. That doesn't necessarily make a great person automatically but it would have been a real heart-breaker to think of Mr. Rogers with whiskey stains on his pull-overs banging whores.

• He swam naked. Fred revealed that he swam laps daily to keep his weight at 143 (which was intentional because of the universal belief that 143 = I love you,) at a local club that allowed nude swimming during certain hours. 

• Mr. Rogers fought the government on VCR recording.When VCRs first came out the fact that you could record a show and watch it later was a big deal. Stations were upset because it would impact ratings, therefor, impacting ad revenue. A coalition formed to try and prevent people from recording shows stating that it was a violation of copyright laws. Well, Fred did't stand for it and fought in court stating that recorded shows fell under the Fair Use. He mentioned that having his show on at different times sometimes does not fit into a family's schedule and that everyone should be able to enjoy his show at the time of the family's digression not the TV station. The Supreme Court made special mention of Mr. Rogers testimony as a factor into their decision to allow VCR recording.

 

• He did all the music for the show compiling over 200 composed songs.

• Mr. Rogers was pro-LGBT  before it was cool . His Presbyterian friend would always push Fred to denounce non-Christians and gays because for some reason that's important to them, but Roger's simply wouldn't. He said "God loves you just the way you are." and leave it at that. He abhorred prejudice of any kind. 

• He answered ALL his fan mail ... personally. It was apart of his daily routine. Every morning he would answer fan mail from the children handwriting all his replies. On occasion he would pro-actively send a follow up letter asking questions or just checking up on the family.

• His office had no desk. He wanted everyone not to feel separated or intimated when talking to him in a business capacity.

• He's got street cred. When his car (an old beat up Chevy Impala) was stolen he, of course, filed a report with the police. It made the news and less than a day later it was returned, undamaged, with an apology note.

• He was the first children's show to discuss divorce. It was considered taboo by his church but he felt that it was his duty to address the matter. It was becoming a very common and jarring problem for children and he wanted to make sure that the kid who watch his program could do their best coping with the issue.

I'm not sure if I was supposed to really love this song for how hilarious the lyrics are - butt (get it) I did! The Pansy Division does covers of popular songs and makes them their own. This all-gay punk rock band was one of the founders of the "Queer-Core" movement in the early 90's in which all gay-musicians yearned to break the stereo-type of gays being into musical theater and pop music. You might appreciate this or not, but you can't deny how fucking punk rock this is.

"...licking nipples, licking nuts, putting candy canes up eachother's butts..." won't be heard on the radio this Xmas season but that's not stopping you from enjoying it now!

What started as a vehicle to provide music for Might Boosh alum's new show called Luxury Comedy has turned into another hit phenomenon in the UK. Formed by the genius Noel Fielding and Kasbian lead singer Sergio Pizzorno. Oh course they perform hilariously strange songs about anything from not liking a dude in a brown hat to mashed potato people. It's a natural extension of Noel's creativity and this X-mas song is not only bizarre but predictably catchy. Give it a listen!

In Japan Xmas is celebrated differently than in the US (obviously). Christmas Eve is a bigger deal than Christmas Day. In Japan, traditionally, its more meaningful to make a gift than buy one. Then on Christmas Day is celebrated more like Valentine's Day where it is usually reserved for couples and romantic endeavors.

During the Xmas season, and really any other time, you can't find turkey anywhere in Japan. Turkeys don't naturally breed and thrive in Japan so most Japanese people haven't really tried turkey or developed a taste for it like we have. Additionally, most Japanese home are too small to have an over to accommodate an entire turkey. So finding a turkey in Japan is extremely difficult.

The popular story is that a "gaijin" walked into an Ayoama KFC in the 70's and mentioned he was having an X-mas party but couldn't find turkey anywhere. He loaded up on some deep fried meat and left the store with the idea of marketing their chicken during the X-mas time.

Whomever was manning the register at the time somehow ran it up the chain and the Japanese ad Christmas = Kentucky was born with an army of Yen behind it.

(I couldn't find the original video)




So KFC is a cultural force and tradition in Japan. Customers will place their Xmas orders months in advance in order not to wait hours in line for their special buckets. 


They sell different levels of "Party Barrels" some include cake, champagne, and collectors plates. Keep in mind a "western" food like this is only piqued by the Xmas season. The Japanese generally find fast food like this unappealing due to its massively unhealthy nature. KFC is considered a once-a-year guilty treat.

Voting has opened for the 61st NHL All-Star Game in Nashville!! It's like Christmas ... if it wasn't Christmas already. Can you feel the excitement?!  Yeah ... I don't care either.

The NHL is letting the fans vote on who receives this prestigious honor and who gets a nice couple of days to heal the damage of a long NHL season. In a predictable move by the internet hockey community there has been a grass-roots movement to vote in the journeyman enforcer John "Murdersaurus" Scott as a joke. There has been some flimsy justification for voting for Scott beyond it being a joke but I don't buy it. If you leave the cage door open the animals are surely going to come out and play.


As stupid as the John Scott movement is, the counter argument is just as stupid.

Noted idiot:



Why would it be stupid? Why? No reason (per usual).

It's no mystery that fans of any sport what to be apart of the sport they love. Fans love hearing themselves speak and have an impactful influence via, cheering, chanting, or voting.

There is no reason NOT to vote for a joke candidate. The NHL made it an option and its your right to do what you want. It's not a fan's job to adhere to tradition. It's not a fan's job to honor careers. It's not a fan's job to do anything outside of what their primal impulses tell them to do.

If anything, I like the fact that hockey fans are getting behind a singular idea, joke or not.

On the other hand, if the NHL wants to be taken that seriously it would have thought about this. It happened in Montreal, it happened in Columbus. The fact that turd Nick Foligno was last year's All Star captain is just as absurd as John Scott.

The hockey community perpetually complains about things they have no control over and the All- Star game is no different. Aside from being personally voted into the All-Star game this year, I will have no idea what happens in that game because since the player's don't care (and shouldn't) Why should I?

I voted for John Scott (and Scuderi) "because poop is funny".

In 2009 I stumbled upon the band Fleet Foxes and was immediately enamored by their beautiful harmonies, thoughtful lyrics, and an innovative sound that was new to me but - somehow - inherently familiar. I played their album in the car so much that my kids ended up loving them too, often singing along to the desperate soulful crooning of Robin Pecknold.

I've been hearing the track "White Winter Hymnal" lauded as a X-mas song and embarrassingly I never made the connection until now.  The song itself is just "it’s lyrically fairly meaningless I guess but it’s not really meant to mean something" according to Pecknold. The velvety harmonies and vivid short story they tell weaves together such a nice, simple song.

What makes this even better is that my daughter Lexi  learned the lyrics and wanted to sing it for me. She is/was and might always will be shy so her doing this was/is pretty special. If you want to hear the original, figure it out you're an adult!

Listen to the end for a surprise ending!

Allo my friend. It is your favourite hockey players Tanger here and I would like to thanks you for all the tres great comments on my last posts. The switch from PenisInitiative to Construk Nunchux was a scary one but all the peoples really made me feel good and from the bottom of my hearts, tres thank!

Sadly beyond this there is little joys for me. I am not one to be dramatics but this might be one of the worst time of my lifes.

Before I get into this I must say that you are like one of the top sport fans across the major sports league. You are for sure better than curlings fan, they are mostly asshole.. But NHL fans are pretty good usually but sometime you guy can be really mean. Please know that I do loves you but..

When you first hear of an Arcade Fire X-Mas album you can usually imagine glamorous period formal costumes and a harpsichord but this is something entirely different. The band got together got very, very drunk and hit record. The four song EP is really funny in an ironic type of way. Win Butler stumbling over words and a mix of drums and brass duct taped together an harmony. The song below, in particular, was a totally improvised "new" X-mas song about a man trying to buy a "jewel" for his loved one one for Xmas. The song steadily loses structure and spirals into drunken 1am karaoke crooning about well ... who knows what. Enjoy.

Allo my friends it is your uber BFF Kris Letang! I am so sorry it has been a while since my last posts. It has been pretty tough for me lately because I was unable to come to terms on a new deals with Pens Initiative on sharing my posts. Luckily though the people here at Construx Nunchus said I can writes here for them! The also told me that I can type them on the computer instead of sending them on a piece of paper. I wonder if the people at PI know this yet?

Run the Jewels is the best thing in modern hip-hop ever. Yes, ever.

This is a legit song about family dynamics and how it's not the picturesque scene that Xmas sometimes pigeon-holes it to be. Both EL-P and Killer Mike tell stories about their upbringing and how no matter how bleak it seems it molded them both into what they are today. Take a listen it's pretty amazing.

Do you know this man?  If so, tell him to stop eating farts.

I don't know why this exists or who thought this was a good idea but someone paid money to have Joe Pesci croon the most stereo-typical Italian garbage album for trash people.  In this song Pesci voices his concerns over Satan's transportation for Christmas and the logistics of delivering presents all around the world. His character Vincent LaGuardia Gambini is a concerned advocate for safe and expedient travel for Mr. Clause and suggests alternative methods for a successful Xmas including an airplane. He gives candy at the end of the song until a candy crime is committed and the song unravels into a bunch of gibberish. Enjoy.

You loved summer jamz so the obvious thing to do was to carry the heat over from the summer into the winter! What tracks get you PUMPED for winter?

You damn right.

Leave it to our friend from the far-east to create something that's not only truly bizarre but CURSED. Kleenex has said to have asked for three Japanese commercials for their tissues, featuring a woman dressed in a white toga-like dress and a young child dressed as a Japanese ogre, sitting on straw. Weird enough, right?

I'm used to weird commercials from Japan, believe me:

Like the Dole Banana-Man:


or the these dudes who want to sell you Chocoballs (I think)
















This commercial was not only weird BUT CURSED! The urban legend stated that the commercial aired in the 1980's and the song played during the commercial (which was "It's a Fine Day" by Jane and Barton) sounded like "A German Curse" to the Japanese. This set the rumors like wildfire where claims were made that the commercial made people sick, depressed, and suicidal.

Not only the music sounded like a curse to the Japanese but then the rumors swelled to the song sounding differently during different times of the day.

The story behind the commercial being made has the entire crew being killed in strange way before the clip even aired.

From The Horror Tree:

- The cameraman was burned to death in a sauna from a machine failure
- When the commercial was aired, not one of the film crew was still alive.
- The actress became pregnant with a demon child and suffered from mental illness.
- She was forced to retire from acting and was incarcerated in a mental institution.
- She committed suicide by hanging herself.
- The child actor that played the red demon died suddenly.
- The child was hit by a car soon after filming, he got decapitated.
- The child also suffered from nightmares and sleep paralysis non-stop for three days and nights.
- If you watch this advert, you will be cursed and/or die.
- Many people committed suicide after watching
- If you play it in SAP the girl`s voice change into that of an old woman.
- If you record it first and then replay it, the red demon turns into a blue demon.

The most prevalent  Urban Legend around this commercial that if you watch it after midnight it changes ... alot. Here is what I mean.

Slide: What is “Ran Ran Ru”?
Ronald: Ran Ran Ru! When Ronald gets happy I always have to do this. Come on everyone, join in! Here we go!
RAN RAN RUU!

So that old guy from Rolling Stones shit on heavy metal and hip hop. Later, Rolling Stone magazine did a feature on the new Slayer video. You still wont see the Stones crack a summer jamz list.

On that note, SUMMER JAMZ #13 YOU KNOW we gotta go to our buddy DZK. For some reason the number 13 and this song just go together.

Oh, and the Rolling Stones suck. (Ryan's opinion does not reflect the opinions of the other members of cxnx, even though he is obviously right)

Here is DZK's 'Clockworker Revolution with lyrics so you can try and hip hop along.

The "official title" Lovely Sweet Dream was released in 1998 for the PlayStation in which you walk around some of the most terrifying digital landscapes imaginable for 10 minutes exploring and running from a man in black. After 10 minutes, you are transported back to the title screen and you can start your adventure again in new rooms and landscapes.

Sick of driving around listening to DMX 'Where the hood at' spitting at the top of your lungs only to get stuck at an uncomfortable red light next to an elderly lady? Worried you got busted on the highway by those kids while you were singing R.Kelly 'I believe I can fly'?

There's a game my wife and I have played with our kids at the dinner table since they were little. Simply put, we would each say our "FAVORITE" word that began with an A, then a B, then a C and so on and so forth.

My son shook the dust off of this little game a few nights ago, adding Themes to the mix. He chose Animals, my daughter chose Doctor Who references, my wife chose to go with no theme and I chose Video Games.

It was actually pretty fun to do and I decided that it would be interesting to see what games the listeners of Toons Game Time would come up with, given the large selection of titles over the numerous generations of consoles.

So, fill out the form below and before next week's Toons Game Time, I will pool the results and share the different games that everybody came up with for your listening pleasure. List only one game per letter and only do it once, if you please.

- ToonsBrian


Create your own user feedback survey....if only monkeys could take surveys....

This song is of pretty deep. Some heavy situations in this journey. First, it starts with a party of all guys and they all accidentally do Viagra. Also, a guy makes a cake for his mom with pot and she just keeps singing at him while he is trying to bum money off of her. Join construx nunchux and DZK on this deep music journey!

I almost pissed myself the first time I heard this song. If you are into hip hop and are not super sensitive this is a great song. Check it out!

In this game you are Taro Helbon a a 56 year old man with a family who works at an IT company in City X. You are a self-described super masochistic guy who likes to be verbally abused by girls in cos-play uniforms.

So Taro goes around to bars, hospitals, pools and schools all around City X looking to touch these girls while they aren't looking. When they aren't looking you mash LT and RT (X-Box) to creep along a booth to bottles of various beers, liquors, and wines. You can chug alcohol to increase the speed of your creep-styles and converge on the innocent girl. When you touch her, she yells at you and you start a new level with the same girl. Repeat, repeat, repeat with the girl becoming more aware of your butt scooting.

I found out about this group last year while researching for the unreleased Paul's Top 100 Songs of 2014. In my humble opinion, Japan's music scene is something not even the Japanese take seriously. I may be completely off-base with that opinion paired with my extremely limited understanding of the scene. They focus on what they call "Idol" music which is a highly quantified mix of youth, attractiveness, with an interesting past (whether manufactured or not). It's similar to American boy-bands and the American Idol process. It's been proven to make unlimited money for the companies who create them and wildly popular in that area.

BabyMetal is an innovative "Idol" project. The memebers Su-Metal, YumiMetal, and MoaMetal come from a heavy metal galaxy far, far, away to bring a "new style of heavy metal" to our planet. Pretty nice of them, I think.

This song is as subtle as a punch to the face. Sizzy Rocket's smooth as velvet voice taunts you as Run The Jewels brings it hard as usual with ninja quick rhymes and violent flow. Trap King Flosstradamus ties it all together with this bludgeoning bass and Holy Shit Godzilla is coming beats.

Homicide dick, bitch, I've been on the kill-a-ho
Raise that pussy from the dead, Lord help me heal a ho

Every now and then a band comes from Canada that just blows up. We see it happen all the time. Whether it be Rush to Nickleback, Bryan Adams to Celine Dion. Then, for decades after we are left apologizing for the terrible music we put out up here in the Great North. Maybe, just maybe if our friends to the south would recognize the great bands that come from up here!

Zimmers Hole is one of the best in my opinion. Death metal mixed with comedy is a win in my books. This song 'When You Were Shouting At The Devil...' was the title track of Zimmers Hole's last album. It was just a track making fun of glam metal. (with the title being a spin on a Motley Crew song)

Zimmers Hole is a side band. Most of the members come from Strapping Young Lad. Because of this, though they have been around for years they only have 3 albums. All are great though!

This song was done in response to the VA Tech shooting that took place on April 16th, 2007. The shooter; Seung-Hui Cho who committed this brutal crime did so because he had a problem with "rich kids" as found in a note by police in his room. This track seems just to be rubbing in the fact that despite many lost lives, he did not change rich peoples lifestyles at all. (I guess it could be considered a 'dis track' or as the kids call it on the internet, 'trolling'.) Be sure to burn a blunt rolled in a $100 dollar bill while listening to this track as a "F-You" to this d-bag.

We want to thank the "King of Spice" Curry Man for taking some time to give us some love. Curry Man is an extraordinary talent that is most definitely NOT Christopher Daniels. His derisively in the ring is only rivaled by his spicy dance moves. 
Ian wrote in this in his Top 10 Wrestlers Post:

"Again, all credit goes to Paul for introducing me to this man, the closest a human has ever come to an accurate portrayal of an explosion. The intro enough lets you know someone's leaving with a bump on the head and a smile on the face. If I ever had to describe anyone as a "mid-flier", it would be the King of Spice. I just have a giant soft spot for someone who can stay true to his gimmick and still wrestle seriously. He comes to the ring, gets everyone dancing, tosses the ref his cane, and then it's down to business, all tactical lock-ups and a strong reserve of energy. And yes, that is a plate of curry on his head, thank you for noticing."

This is probably the best gif on the internet with Curry Man dancing with Chikara stars Los Ice Creams. 

So Super Table Flip or Cho Chabudai Gaeshi is a dometic violence simulator from our friends in Japan. The premise is very simple. You have a time of 60 seconds and it plays out various scenarios dad and kids, there’s a bride at a wedding, a guest at a host club and a frustrated office worker and when someone is annoying or pisses you off you pound on the table to scare them and show how pissed you are. When the time is right you fire the table as hard as you can across the room with the intentions of causing the most destruction possible. You get alot of humorous replays and a score based on your chaos. Honestly, this one looks like alot of fun. There's not much else to this besides that so enjoy the clip.

Nothing will make you look and feel cooler than driving around Barrie, Ontario listening to the Gravediggaz 6 Feet Deep album. They don't make 'horrorcore' like they used to! Anyways, Gravediggaz to this day might be the BEST "Super Group" of all time. Listen, enjoy, try not to murder people and make sure to tell your friends you love them! Enjoy.

So this game ... wow. After reading and researching this game I COULD NOT WAIT to review it and share it with you. This game was created by a drunk who hated video games but was such a popular comedian at the time they let him do what he wanted. It has violence, insane challenges, karaoke, and insults to the player. On opposite spectrums of video game criticism it is either considered one of the worst games of all time or one of the best for it's truly unique non-traditional style of game play.  The game is called Takeshi's challenge and it hates you.





This man, Beat Takeshi, is a Japanese director, comedian, singer, actor, show host, film editor, presenter, screenwriter, author, poet, painter, and one-time video game designer. He played the teacher in one of my favorite movies of all time Battle Royale   After a long standup career, he hosted the wildly popular Takeshi's Castle which was a game show in which the contestants did bizarre and difficult stunts to advance. It turned into the Spike TV Show MXC.

So this game ....



You start at this screen and from what I've read you can tap the punch button 30,720 times to go right to the ending.

If you're not into wasting hours on that you can actually play the game and burn hours that way. You enter a password screen with an old man who asks you for a password if you want to continue from an old save point. They give you a "PUNCH" option and if you do it you lose the game and start again.

If you resist the urge to punch and old man you play the game as a disgraced Salaryman who gets berated by his boss. Not fired, you just get yelled at. Of course you can punch him, but you can fight your way out of the predicament and head out to a really open ended world with literally no direction. You can go to a bar and drink, you can shop, you can go to the bank, you know all awesome video game stuff for kids.

So I didn't really know how else to summarize the insanity of this game because there is literally so much of it. It's really endless and 99% of what you do either results in a "Game Over" or an endless loop of fighting Yakuza outside until you inevitably die  I am going to run through the steps on how you actually beat the game since the steps are insane enough to make this entertaining.

So when your boss yells at you; don't punch him you are supposed to ignore him.

When you ignore your boss you get a "small bonus" which you need to even go any further in the game. If you punch him and escape you can't go any further because you don't get any other chance to get money ever and you go through an endless loop of dialogue boxes and Yakuza battles.







So when you get money you get to purchase some awesome weapon or item or magic or dragon to ride, right?! right?! Nope! Get your grown ass to the bank and make a withdraw.

You need to close out your account and get 50,000 ¥ because after your run in with your boss you need to hustle to the Culture Club and take some Shamisen lessons. Keep in mind this is the only way to complete the game and the only way you would know this is by insane trial and error or astounding luck. Then you need to head home and talk to your family.




Your wife isn't happy to see you. You're a drunk and a shitty Shamisen player (although you took a lesson today). She wants a divorce.

So the option of solving this problem with punching is on the table. If you do you end up killing her and your children. The game isn't over at this point you just have to live with and go no further in the game without any hints. You are supposed to pay her alimony and she takes a huge chunk of your hard earned Yen. You need to take the lessons BEFORE you divorce her because it takes a % of what's left. If you divorce her first you can't afford the lessons which is essential to completing the game. Following along?



Then you go back to work fresh off a good music lesson and divorce and you have a quit your job.

One you quit your job the first thing you need to do is search the office plant for some extra cash to fund your dream of finally learning hand-gliding. Another reminder, there was no strategy guide, tips hotline, or anything for this digital nightmare.











So you're a divorced, jobless, amateur Shamisen player who dreams of one day Hang-Gliding and the next thing on your plate is gambling. Off to the Pachinko parlor to gamble what little money you have left away.

So when you head to Dick's Pachinko, have to buy 500 balls. Not 100, not 200,not 400, not 600, not 1000 (which are all your menu options) exactly 500. Then you play Pachinko but you don't play to win. YOU HAVE TO LOSE EVERYTHING. 

After you're a now broke, divorced, jobless, amateur Shamisen player who dreams of one day Hang-Gliding the Pachinko lady tells you "... you don't have enough balls."

Then you have to figure out you have to yell into the Player 2  controller's built in microphone. What? Yep with the first generation of Famicom (Japanese Nintendo) it came with a mic. The mic was unsuccessful so they discontinued it. If you didn't have a first gen controller this is where the game ends for you. If you somehow organically yell into the controller they will tell you to "Shut up, you dick!" and you have to fight Yakuza.

If you survive the Yakuza attack the owner gives you 50,000 balls in which you have to buy a Shamisen. NOT the treasure map which is the convoluted point of the game which is just another cruel trick that this game plays on you.

So now you're a  broke, divorced, jobless, amateur Shamisen player who dreams of one day Hang-Gliding that OWNS a Shamisen now you head off to Karaoke bar to rock some 8 bit booty.

Then you have to sing - yes really - sing into the Player 2 mic the same song successfully 3 times. If you fail you have to start over. If you succeed the audience berated you to get off the stage and that you sound like shit.



When you get all 3 songs, the demand you leave the place and send in Yakuza after you. You beat the shit out of them. Then an old man comes out of no where and gives you the map you want/need. Then you beat the shit out of him.




Now you have the treasure map! After divorce, unemployment, gambling, and fighting you have the MAP! YES! YOU HAVE THE MAP! 

Here comes another magnificent troll job by the Sadistic Takeshi. You get the map and you have a few choices and only two of them work.

1) Soak in Water - You have to not touch a thing on the controller for more than 5 minutes but less than 10. Once you hit that sweet spot you have to cry/scream/shout into the mic to progress.

2) Expose to the Sun - You have to leave the game on and untouched for AN HOUR! If you touch a button you ruin the paper. Game over, start again.


Then you go to the airport and fly to the island to where the treasure is.

Then you can buy a gun, sleep at the Inn and get your life back. Keep in mind, there is no previous point in the game where you can do this. You get 4 hearts for the entire game until now. Once you rest up it's time to hang-glide to the place to where the treasure is because there are ducks and UFO's that block the way. If you get hit one time ... ONE TIME it's game over then you start the whole GAME over.


If you make it passed the insanely difficult hang-gliding stage you hit the final cave.

You fight pirates, scorpions, fire blobs, all glitching and coming from no where.

So after divorcing your wife, losing your job, becoming an amateur Samisen player who dreamt of hang-gliding, who lost all his money playing Pachiko, having the blood of dozens of Yakuza on his hands, who mercilessly beat an old man to death and unlocked the secrets of a treasure map, then fought UFO's on a hang-glider with gun and killed Pirates to obtain a treasure ... you open the chest and ...





That's it. Nothing more. A final thumb in the eye of anyone unfortunate enough to player this mad-man's electronic torture device.