An Open Letter to ConstruxNunchux

5:00:00 PMBrian Blystone

The following open letter will be published at both ConstruxNunchux.com and ToonsShow.com.

To Whom It May Concern:

As you are well aware, this weekend - and again today - ToonsShow.com was subjected to a malicious cyber attack. The initial attack left Jack and I feeling extremely violated and left us unable to "perform" for the remainder of the weekend, a fact that we are both ashamed to admit and obligated to weaponize in the battle against this sort of thing from happening to others.

How much is slinging tooth powder worth, ConstruxNunchux? Or should I say "cxnx"?

Your tooth powder doesn't work the way it claims. And it tastes like day-old spinach cooked in sweaty sock broth. What now? The truth hurts but not as much as knowing that a website you've poured your heart and soul into - or at least a few Saturday afternoons - was treated with such disrespect.

We at Toons and ToonsShow.com will not sit idly by. We've been taking measures to ensure this doesn't happen again. But before that, I wanted to give you a short list of things that are cooler than cyber-attacking our website:

The Costumes and Props in Mortal Kombat: Annihilation

Better costumes at K-Mart

83 cents. That was the budget for the 1997 follow-up to the blockbuster Mortal Kombat movie. Apparently, they had to make big sacrifices when it came to the props and costumes in order to pay the actors and actresses so that every single character that had appeared in Midway's video game series to that point. They couldn't even afford to bring Christopher Lambert, Bridgette Wilson or Linden Ashby back to reprise their roles fro the original flick.

But at least we got to see Rain die.

A 1980 Ford Pinto

Just ignore, for a moment, the fact that if you drive one of these babies, you will likely die a fiery death surrounded by your loved ones who are also dieing a fiery death. Let's instead concentrate on this vehicle's lines. It's pretty clear that this vehicle was designed by a member of the 3rd Grade class at Eisenhower Elementary in Poughkeepsie, NY....while they were still in 3rd Grade. Or that Ford, as part of their "Give kids something easy to draw so they feel like legitimate artists when they get it exactly right" initiative, came up with this design. Incidentally, they let the kids pick the colors they used, too.

You're not getting tail in this car. Maybe lead poisoning, but not tail.

Getting Pulled into a Political/Religious Discussion

"So what are your thoughts on equal pay for women / abortion / raising minimum wage / state-provided health insurance / food stamps / the 9/11 Attacks?"

"Hey settle this argument for us."

"Can I interest you in accompanying me to church so we can start saving your soul?"

Need I go on?

The Lyrics to I'm Blue by Eiffel 65

Yo listen up here's a story
About a little guy that lives in a blue world
And all day and all night and everything he sees
Is just blue like him inside and outside
Blue his house with a blue little window
And a blue corvette
And everything is blue for him and himself
And everybody around
'Cause he ain't got nobody to listen to

I'm blue da ba dee da ba die...

I have a blue house with a blue window.
Blue is the colour of all that I wear.
Blue are the streets and all the trees are too.
I have a girlfriend and she is so blue.
Blue are the people here that walk around,
Blue like my corvette, it's in and outside.
Blue are the words I say and what I think.
Blue are the feelings that live inside me.

I'm blue da ba dee da ba die...

I have a blue house with a blue window.
Blue is the colour of all that I wear.
Blue are the streets and all the trees are too.
I have a girlfriend and she is so blue.
Blue are the people here that walk around,
Blue like my corvette, it's in and outside.
Blue are the words I say and what I think.
Blue are the feelings that live inside me.

I'm blue da ba dee da ba die...

Inside and outside blue his house
With the blue little window
And a blue corvette
And everything is blue for him and himself
And everybody around
'Cause he ain't got nobody to listen to

I'm blue da ba dee da ba die...

I'm blue (da ba dee da ba die)

Food Poisoning

Picture yourself being bent over a toilet for 8 hours. Now picture yourself sitting on the toilet for that same period of time. Now picture yourself trapped in the dilemma that is trying to figure out which of the aforementioned would be the more prudent for you to do for 8 hours.

You knew that the fish sandwich you bought at McDonald's tasted kind of funny. You knew that it likely sat under a heat lamp for 3 1/2 hours before hitting your bag. But you also knew you were starving for some flaky semi-real seafood goodness.

You also know that death is not only the preferred option while your in the middle of your bout with salmonella but that it's still cooler than hacking ToonsShow.com.

Justin Bieber

Hey, gurl

Sex With Justin Bieber

I know you probably thought that invoking was pretty extreme, but it just didn't come close to how "not cool" it is to hack into a site as whimsical, as respected, nay, as inspiring as ToonsShow.com. But the fact remains that hacking Toons is less cool than having sex with the Biebs.

So I'm told.

Hypothetically?

A New ToonsShow.com

This left Jack and I with very few options. In the interest of protecting the spirit of ToonsShow.com and as a means of adding a layer of security to the integrity of our endeavor to bring our readers general silliness in the form of articles and podcasting and the like, we are updating the site.

Included in the update will be an all-new look. An all-new feel. All in the next day or so.

And, begrudgingly, we will be giving cXnX their own little corner to have fun in. "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer" you might say.

To those who have loyally followed Toons - and to those of you who have done the same at ConstruxNunchux - we look forward to having you (continue to be) along for the ride.

Dogs rule, cats drool.

- Brian from Toons

An Open Letter to ConstruxNunchux