It's my favorite labor of love! The Top 100 of 2017 is now in its 8th year and it features some exciting new-comers, stall-worth favorites, and genre-bending trailblazers. Every year I comb every blog, magazine, and Spotify playlist to find - what I consider - my favorites.

The playlist itself is below. If you don't have Spotify, you are dumb and don't deserve good music.

Picture by  Paul Schermerhorn

Look at this goddamn idiot. That's me; Paul Clemente local ... comedian?

To give a quick background, I haven't been doing this long. In fact, it's only been 6 months since I farted out some jokes at my first open mic at The Q in Jamestown, NY.

I was fresh off being the heel judge at Chautauqua's Got Talent and I was manic with the idea of performing. The competition was huge with crowds of 300-400 people nightly and I had people booing, laughing, and complimenting me. It was intoxicating.

Earlier in the year, I mimicked Amanda's idea of making a list of lofty personal goals for myself and doing my best to at least dip my toe in all of them. "Perform Stand-Up" was near the top of the list.

Chautauqua's Got Talent was over and there was a hole in my heart that needed filled and trying stand-up seemed like the next logical step.


I contacted Robb Will (Jamestown's 67th Funniest Comedian) whom I've seen promote Open Mic Nights at The Q before and he encouraged me to come down and try.  He told me about how great the environment was and how he hopes to see me there.

There it was, I had no excuses to not try it. Then the reality of actually doing it set in. I didn't feel excitement, I felt dread.  In my disease-ravaged brain I envisioned a bar full of antagonistic drunks and elitist comedians whose mouths salivated with the idea of crushing me into a sobbing fetal position.

This wasn't the case obviously, but the self-doubt and insecurities I already had were exponentially exacerbated to the point where I put it off and decided to stay at home until "I got funnier".  I wish I hadn't.

I went the next week and hid at the corner of the bar obsessively re-writing my set with the care and penmanship of a prison letter. I knew I'd forget everything on stage, I knew this was going to be awful. I foolishly invited some friends and just seeing them there with eager eyes and supportive smiles made it worse.

My eyes darted around the bar, sizing up the other performers for the night, trying to gauge how funny they were with an "occular pat-down".


I remember going close to last, thinking if I saw someone else do poorly it would make me feel better. When it was my turn, adrenaline prevented me from making too many cognizant decisions and most of the performance was on muscle memory that piloted me through the next 10 minutes.

This isn't a story about bombing, I did well. I am a good performer. I got positive feedback and a lot of surprised faces when I told them it was my first time. I felt good, and I really enjoyed myself. I wanted to do it again immediately.

6 months later, I've done close to 40 open mics (I think). Below is my first recorded performance. This was a set about "kid justice" and I don't think I've done this set ever again.

I cant write jokes.
I can be in front of people.
I could never do this.
What if I bomb?
What if they boo me?

First and foremost, I encourage anyone to go to an open mic and see how they feel about it. Open mics are not for entertaining the crowd, they should be used for you to practice your jokes. Yes, you can bring notes, you can start over, you can forget jokes, you can laugh at yourself. This is your time to get better any way you can.  I've never been to an open mic in which they shit on someone relentlessly. The worst that will happen is that all the comedians will use your time on stage to go outside and smoke pot.

Paul: This was everything I had left in the media folder shoved into one glorious episode. Your Host might be dying or causing self-harm at this point. He is clearly cracking (ass) and has given up on the show to let the pressure of the show crush him. I wanted confetti so bad but did not know how to do it at that time. A rare flub of calling Ian the host and not Your Host.

Paul: Next to the last episode. I wanted 24 Episodes in the worst way and I was afraid of running out of footage, but Ian didn't fail me with so much material. Ian somehow made the lobster letters gag new, strange and fresh every time. I think we called Ian's dance in this episode Lobster Harumph? It's hard to remember at what point Ian was no longer sober.

Butts.

Paul: This absolutely encapsulates the spirit of Lobster Lobby. The slow motion truly captures the manic, frantic, and wild dancing of Your Host. The eyes, the hair, the erratic behavior all make perfect sense all working in unison to create a sense that the show is nearly a secondary thought at this point and madness washed over Your Host.

1. Blocking -Not accepting the scene.

Whether you just started Improv or a seasoned veteran the concept of "YES, AND" is one of the few constants in this medium. Blocking is when you refuse to accept the scene and characters around you. It's OK for things to change but there must be a reason behind this change. There is a (thin) line between illogical and absurd.

EX: 

Me: I never would have guessed the Moon could be so cold! [shivers]
Not Me: We aren't on the Moon! We're on Uranus!
Me: Oh.
Not Me: Why are you talking?! You're a cat! No, a unicorn!
Me: Damn it.

Every since I started comedy I've run across magnificent and supportive people. Andrew Young and Damian Stokes run an open mic out of the Bear Brick in Little Valley NY. Both of these guys are a huge piece of the puzzle of our local scene. Go to www.andrewwyoung.com to check out his other work!

Ian: Ugh, not the call in quiz schtick again! I don't know where I got that ridiculously large Lobster Light from. I don't know what the Lobster Light does. I do love that song though! But Your Host does raise a great question "How does a lobster go?" I am glad Paul used the "Hello" bit because I was super proud of doing that idiotic thing. And a solid edit between the irate caller and Your Host. And a wonderfully peaceful resolution. 

Paul: We really wanted to put The Lobster Light on iTunes but it would have cost more money to do it than we thought. Your Host is very involved with this episode and the brilliant song. Now I have the "Looooobster Liiiiiight is shine'n on yoooooou" in my head!

Ian: Paul and I had a discussion about cold openings (not just the kind necrophiliacs go for) for this episode. I don't think I ever did provide an actual explanation, so we sorta missed the mark on that but it's a cute opening. So excited in this episode. Paul so defiantly insists on adding the Tiny Tim dub, it cracks me up. The phone call with Paul really puts me in mind f the old WPIX days and the talent/director/producer dynamic. I'm confident Paul will expound on the long and complicated history Your Host has with Kid Rock. & y'all know what, y'know what, I am a fucking funny fucking performer. This one ends on a CLIFFHANGER! DO we EVER get Kid Rock???

Paul: Ian is right, I had no idea what a cold opening was. I do have a fondness for this episode - like most of them - with the drinking to music, our strange inclusion of Kid Rock, and Tiny Tim. To this date, I have not received a copyright strike for using the Tiny Tim line like I have in previous episodes. Sadly it took until season 2 to obtain Kid Rock. Very underrated part of this episode is when Ian ignites the set on fire (again). The beer gag is very vaudvillian but brilliant. 

Ian: I think this is for real my favorite episode of the season. I love the Does it Offend You, Yeah? song and the Fat Boys gag is pretty damn near perfect. And not even ashamed of how proud I still am of the timing on striking that match. I'm inclined to believe it was the first try because I know Paul would have used a botched take or two. And let's face it, tzatziki is a very funny word. I do wonder if Melody is the same person Your Host was referring to in Episode 14. I also wonder if you can get cancer from smoking Sterno fuel from a pipe. 

Paul: I agree with Ian, this may be my favorite episode. At this point the show has moved towards the perfect blend of it being a show and it being a delusional stream of Your Host's consciousness. This episode was a launchpad for so many recurring jokes. The Does That Offend You, Yeah? song makes an appearance in all three seasons and Your Host dancing umprompted have both become a staple of the series. Watching this series more analytically now, I am wondering who Your Host is speaking to? He deliberatley knows the producer (Paul) and how to contact him, and it can't be a camera operator since he mentions the camera several times ... 

Ian: Where did that blood come from?!?! I'm kidding, I know where it came from, but I'm so happy that I was able to just use resources I had lying around at my disposal. It was my first time living alone for two years or so and I really indulged in making messes (see the video "A Healthy Lifestyle"). The blood really works with the combat sounds, but this one is a complete assault on the senses. I absolutely love that milk music. I forget why I had a pint of milk in my fridge (some baking or something) but I'm glad I did. "Lobsters were up, very up" is one of my favorite lines from the series although the rest of that monologue sorta trails off. And then Paul saves it, Ted DiBiase style. Is it a show? Is it a store? WHAT IS HAPPENING? 

HAM!

Paul: The debut of Bill DeMarcus (shrug.jpg) one of Construx's arch-rivals debuts here. Ian's brilliant improv brings out the Lobster Treaty and our enemy Bill DeMarcus. This is a landmark episode!

Ian: Oh man. Bill DeMarcus!!! What a long and storied history there is there. I never was clear if he was universally derided or just a personal nemesis of Your Host's (on par with Dad from ep 8). Why is Bill DeMarcus DEAD? This is such stream of confidence.  This is probably arrogant to say, but I love the commitment in putting this show on. I love the second half of Lob Lob Ssn 1 and how dedicatedly unhinged it got. Paul put some real great edits together. These eps are the same length as a catchy pop song. The show is so weird, but the studio audience seems to love it. Before you go researching, there is no North American Lobster Treaty.


Episode 16: We had alot of questions regarding our official stance of Lobsters we answer these questions. We go over the history of Lobsters. We call out our rival Bill Demarcus and your host brings it all home!

Paul: Ian sets the set on fire! For real!

Ian: WHY IS IT A SPECIAL EDITION? This was one place where Paul's edits really saved the comedy of a forced gag. There is definitely raw footage of me trying several times to place the paper on the candle surreptitiously. There was definitely a lot of sterno gel on my fingers (that's what I put in my pipe when I smoke it) so I'm lucky and the audience is unfortunate that I did not go up in flames immediately. The letter joke is a real favorite of mine. Subtle humor, delivered straight. Love it. 

Episode 15: SPECIAL EDITION! Tonight, your host reads his favorite correspondences over the passed nth years. Is there a special lobster in your life? The studio catches fire!

Paul: I love Ian's asides with the unknown people off-camera. Being half factual they come off as genuine but vague. The question, again, is the host talking to someone or is he a prisoner of the show. Being in that confined space, episode after episode in the same location, same place, having to repeat himself time and time again. Are we seeing the deconstruction of our host?

Ian: Times like this, I am basically just injecting real life into the scene. I love talking to imaginary characters. I don't think there was a specific person I was talking about, but the emotional content behind it is real. It's fun to vacillate between professional/serious and silly/manic. And the cuts in/out at the beginning and end of episodes are great, when they are behind the scenes for the whole episode then cut right as it's about to begin. That's a classic Paul joke. There's evidence here that the episodes are batch-filmed then released (in the cXnX LL universe). Interesting to get insight into Your Host's process. 


Episode 14: Your host has been vocal about it, going back and forth in this silly game. Does she know? Your host doesn't think so! The music is ready! We've taken a special liberty with Lobsters but we still can read your letters.

Paul: This is one of my favorites excluding the vomit-inducing coffee cup biting. You can see that Ian is taking his character away from the traditional host model and turning him into someone who is losing control of his mind. Is the host self-aware, are these outtakes, or is the show taking this direction? Amazing.

Episode 13: Your host takes a sake bath! Bienvenue to Episode 13 of Lobster Lobby! We introduce a contest for our callers to let us know. Lobsters Lobsters Lobsters! Raaaaaaaargh!

I love adding farts to projects. In fact, I have over 200 fart .wav files stored on my hard drive to accommodate most situations. Ian is drinking sake now, he's getting unhinged as a character and it only helps move this story along. 

Ian: Man, that theme song. Still catchy! I think Paul and I miscommunicated a little here. My idea was that I was getting interrupted by that pesky staff and Paul played it as me being unable to get to the serious topic due to raging flatulence. Either, really, would account, for the reliance on rice wine and the despondence. I honestly might have refilled the bottle with water at this point.  HOLY SHIT Shit shit shit. 

Episode 12: Your host imbibes during the last few moments of Lobster Lobby. A flatulent faux pas interrupts the show. Your host addresses the issues facing young lobsters.

This is another good episode which debuts another great gimmick of Ian dancing. It's a running gag that follows the show through all the 3 seasons. The phone interactions really tie the producer (me) and Ian's tumultuous relationship that also sticks for all 3 seasons.

Ian: Man, I wanted to see more of enthusiastic Ian, where that was going. I wonder if we still have all the raw footage somewhere and what we didn't use. Also, Paul graciously yeilded to my request that we use Japanese Noh theater music when I drink rice wine from a bowl. It puts me in mind that we did have phone conversations when discussing production touches on the raw lobsters. I AM SO PROFESSIONAL ON THE PHONE!!!

Episode 9: Back by court demand! Your host encounters a Lobster Finagle and the leaders of the nation interfere with the show! This episode is FILLED with lobster sobriety!

In early 2015, my life was finally trending upward. After a tumultuous divorce, legal trouble, death (not mine), and what could be considered a mental breakdown from 2012-14 I was doing ... OK.?

In early 2014, I met the love of my life and I invested myself into being a better human and quality father. There was - and forever will be - lingering battles with mania and depression but there were very few things to complain about. At this point, I feel that broke-even in life. I crawled out of that dark valley of oppression, mental abuse, and apathy. I was finally ready to be a better person instead of just merely surviving.

I decided to do things for myself again. I was finally in an environment in which I wasn't made to feel gutturally guilty about investing time into my happiness. One of those things was to try and perform.

I joined nameless! comedy in early 2016. I performed improv at Blurrie-Con, Tatsu-Con, and a SOLD OUT show at Lucy-Fest. Not bad for my first year performing on stage! When they went on summer hiatus, I was itching to perform again. I realized how much I loved making people react to things I do.


It was one my most fun projects ever. The owners of The Spire, Angelo and Ylsa not only gave me the flexibility to do some of my Kaufman-esque stunts during the show but they became some of my dearest friends afterward.

This may be my favorite episode from Season 1. The uncharacteristic yelling of an almost animalistic nature accentuates the true vision of the unpredicatble nature of the show. Is the host crazy or the whole situation he is in is crazy? Blurring those lines is exactly the narrative I wanted to tell.

Episode 7: Lobster Lobby is back! or is it? We read your letters! Can you spell LOBSTER? Win prizes! Your host is interrupted and the show may never be the same. 

Episode 5: Lobster Lobby is out of money! Your host discusses finances with Paul. The original plans for Lobster Lobby are revealed. Some news delivered for the loyal viewers and some farts!

(Love this episode! This show - that constantly breaks the fourth wall - is developing the dynamic of Paul and You Host arguing over the creative direction of the show. This becomes another theme of the entire series. Ian is starting to get drunk at this point and it only fuels the show further. Lobster Lobbington is also the character that famed musician Andrew WK mentions in Season 3)

There are a couple different approaches Paul took with the Soulja Boy accompaniment but I like this version best where the song would start over everytime I took a drink (play along at home!) In seasons 2 and 3, we developed a lot more ideas and the episodes got a lot longer. The episodes in season 1 remain, to me, very charming like a series of one-liners. It's like, here's this weird thing and if you don't like it, here's another weird thing. I think there were two or three separate marathon nights of filming the raw footage and I think it was as stream of consciousness in performance as it looks in the edited version. A lot of the times, we didn't discuss what we wanted episodes to look like and I wouldn't see any of Pail's contributions until the finished product. At the time, I would bristle a little bit because, believe it or not, i had a vision for the final appearance of the show. What exists now is a lot of fun and a perfect combination of divergently weird styles. I like rewatching an episode and catching an edit or a nonsequitur that's super subtle. Today's example: "It's my son's birthday." "That's great, that's a tender age." Gaps in logic, assumptions and unexplained wordplay. For me, that's a prime example of my sense of humor. I think Lob Lob hits home on a lot of cylinders.


Episode 4: Why is the world in love with Lobsters? Your host interviews a man on the street. We read YOUR letters and lots of drinking!

It was five years ago that we giddily conceived the idea for Lobster Lobby. Why? Who knows... This was initially supposed to be a one episode segment but has grown into its own cottage industry with views from as far away as Canada! It's always been an outlet for us to test the limits of our nonlinear, nonsequitur sense of comedy. These early episodes, cobbled together from long stream of consciousness takes, laid the ground work for more structured bits and tons of running gags. Sometimes, there are repeated gags or half-formed jokes, but it's still near and dear. Love that pipe!

Episode 2: We discuss the invention and capabilities of the lobster.

Lobster Lobby Season 1 was filmed in Chicago, IL entirely in Ian's apartment closet. Our original idea was to do a long intro song, have 30 seconds of footage and a long credit scene. It turned into what you see below. Ian sent Paul hours of footage recorded on an old digital camera and Paul edited into the show that has been a staple of this site for years.

Episode 1: We give you an introduction into the world of lobsters on our 53rd episode to celebrate the year of the lobster. We take your calls and delve back into the archives to remember some of the lobster's we've covered over the passed nth years. Also, we do our Lobster Lobby segment!

It's the Ultimate Thrill Ride!!! Did you hear that? Ultimate Thrill Ride!!! Ultimate Thrill Ride!!! Ultimate Thrill Ride!!! Ultimate Thrill Ride!!! Ultimate Thrill Ride!!! Ultimate Thrill Ride!!!

This Wrestlemania - as per usual - only has one or two matches on the card I care about. Five of the main spots are occupied by part-timers with no other reason to fight than "just because". Enough negativity, I'm going to painstakingly go through the card and offer my thoughts on each match, and try and predict what WWE will do and what I would do.