What's Hot: Hobos

I tried to warn ya!

Paul: It all started with a dream. Literally, a dream. Ian and I were on a train traveling to wherever, and we stopped at a generic motel for the night. The motel was overlooking the train tracks, and we were warned by the motel manager, Lloyd Bridges that hobos were to come off that train tonight and rob everyone in the motel. We were advised to let them take what they want, then they will leave, siting that their great numbers and nothing to lose attitude almost makes them unstoppable. Even in a dream state I compared them to zombies, but with the power of rational (although limited) thoughts. Ian and I locked the hotel door with the chain and watched the train screech to a halt. We peeked out the window and watched the slow but determined hobos flow out of the boxcar. Magically I had a shotgun, and Ian was carrying a golf club, and we decided that if they try and rob us, it was legal to kill them. We fought a tough battle trying to overcome their years of accumulated convict-like cunning and their devil-may-care attitudes. I woke up before the conclusion of the fight, but I was convinced that a coordinated hobo attack is twice as troublesome as slow shuffling zombies.

No lie, shortly after having that late night pizza/hotsauce induced dream, I saw this:


I hurried to legally obtain this movie, and watched the whole thing start to finish with bated breath and a quick heart rate. I have to say this ... I was right. Hobos are nothing to mess around with. This Hobo although unprovoked, had something alot more dangerous than his shotgun, he had nothing to lose. He took that mindset, and his sense of justice and solved problems ... one ... shell ... at a time.

This is not only a bigger threat than zombies, as math will dictate that a properly soused hobo can kill several zombies before dying, but they are way under the radar right now. We can only pray that they do not get organized (or sober)  or the damaged they can inflict on this planet is immeasurably scary.



Ian: Heave, ho... bos!  Throwin bows.  Tyin em on.  Hobo is the poor man's poor man and somehow in that subverted sense a true pioneer.  In all honesty, before the element of exploitation takes hold too strongly and it goes the way of the zombie (not here but not quite gone away), I want to extend my admiration for the hobo in the sense that one's a tireless worker and never expects a hand-out (but who would turn down some free grub?) but at the same time will not take flack.  Unlike even most modern workers, wage slaver working stiffs and the whatlike, a hobo isn't bound to, but bound for, and I like the idea that unlike most who say, "I have to [work, go to school, have illicit affairs with distant relatives, etc etc]," a hobo knows there is no obligation but to oneself.  Eat to Live.




What's Not: Zombies

Paul: In case you didn't know May is Zombie Appreciation Month. *sigh* You already knew that didn't you? Did you know that zombies were the focus point of more games (console, iOS, PC ect.) than any other genre? *sigh* of course you did.

I hope this is a joke ...

I hate to say this but zombies are officially played out. They are about a year or two away from getting a broadway musical. (mark that for the record)

Don't get me wrong zombie movies are amazing, Shaun of the Dead, 28 Days Later, The Walking Dead series, and (surprisingly) ZombieLand are all good movies, and I plan to give them my continued support, but the pace Hollywood is pumping out zombie related cinema the poor zombie genre is as good as dead (irony?).

All this leads me to the question ... is that what they want? Do they want to lull us into a zombie loving society to knock us off guard when they eventually do attack? Only time will tell I suppose. I will stay cautiously bored with zombies until all this bleeding heart, left wing liberal zombie love dies down, and our glorious country decided to wake up and take this threat seriously.



Ian: Now more than ever, with us pumpin chemicals into our veins daily, the possibly of coming back as well-preserved DIY voodoo zombies is pungent rampant and rank.  But why the Victorian romanticization of death?  Why the fascination? 

Is it the nerdy interest in the scientific possibility of it happening?  Is it the animalistic rush for survival?  Is it the desire to live without thinking of anything, ever?  I can't tell if people want to be zombies or live in a world populated by zombies... Do people just hate being around other people?  Someone please clarify.

Zombies can't do anything.  They are completely useless members of society, if not malignant scavenging parasites.  And if we happen to be one of the lucky(?) ones, we're no better off.  Our daily struggle to avoid being eaten is just as Sissyphian (Yes! I got to use that word!!!) and sickly cyclical as the monotonous moaning chant that accompanies the droning dirge of a million shuffling undead feet.  And yes, modern subversions of the reignited myth suggest possible implementations, but leave me to my devices and my implements of flagellation.  Let me keep my arms!!!  Leave me to take up arms Again(St).  Live to Eat???


Comeback: LL Cool J

Paul:



I'm tellin you guys...

 
 


Oh, this?  It's been here for years...


Ian: There was this guy, who had an album call Rip The Jacker and he said this... and LL came ba-- Er... um, nevermind...



Oh sorry, that's LL blue jeans....


I for one, long for the old days before all the violence to com-- umm, ne'ermind...

"Y'all Construx guys are crazy for this one!  Leave me out of it.  Lezzgitstoopid!"

 







"No, really guys, I've been watching him the whole time."